My son is gay, what should i do?


 I was in Atlantic City with my best friends when a table of women nearby — moms in their late 30s to early 40s — decided to join in on our Friday night out.

They were getting away from their kids and husbands for the weekend, as we were getting away from the hustle and bustle of New York City. They immediately clocked us as gay, while we immediately clocked them as tipsy.

After we warmed up to another, one mom anxiously said: "I have a question: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do. He hasn't come out yet, but I wanna make sure he knows I'll be OK with it."

Most LGBTQ youth are aware of their sexual orientation or gender identity by the start of adolescence. But still, the real and perceived fear of rejection still deters many children from coming out.

What can parents do?

From responding to Neil Patrick Harris on "The Tonight Show" to spending some time with Google, here are six things a parent can do before their child comes out.

1. Respond to an LGBTQ character in the media

With LGBTQ visibility continuing to rise in the media, there are plenty of opportunities to breach the topic in your household.

"If you’re watching TV or a movie together and an LGBTQ character comes on, seize the opportunity to affirm to your child that you are accepting and supportive of LGBTQ people," Kristina Furia, the founder and executive director of Emerge Wellness and Philadelphia LGBTQ Counseling, tells TODAY Parents.

"It may seem counter-intuitive but the best thing to do is to wait for your child to open up to you."

2. Stop any and all hate speech

This may seem like an obvious one, but microaggressions are a great opportunity for you to demonstrate to your child that you are an ally.

A 2018 report from the Human Rights Campaign shows that 78% of LGBTQ youth who are not out at home hear their families make negative comments about LGBTQ people.

Furia says, "It is crucial that your child feel that your home and ultimately you are a safe space. You must not allow hateful speech, whether subtle or overt, of any kind to be tolerated."

For example, if someone uses the word "gay" in place of "stupid," remind them that the two are not interchangeable, and suggest they should say what they actually mean instead.

3. Educate yourself

Start educating yourself about the LGBTQ community: You don't have to wait for the big "coming out" moment to start learning.

"Consider increasing your understanding of the LGBTQ experience and brushing up on appropriate language," Furia says. "There is an array of vocabulary relevant to the community that you very well might not know yet."

4. Seek your own network

You're also part of your child's LGBTQ experience, so make sure you take care of yourself in the process.

"Consider getting involved with an organization for additional support and resources," Furia says. "PFLAG is a great place to start."


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