Everyone has the right to self-preservation, as well a concerns regarding their immediate and larger environments. Folks have the right to process self-realizations and self-discoveries at their own pace & place, before making even private disclosures, let-alone public disclosure.
There is no law, or even any established generally-agreed upon social expectation that asserts that folks need to come out upon first inkling, at the tender age in which they reach puberty (and certainly do not possess the resources or skills to navigate any sets of challenges that might await them, i.e., going back to self-preservation); nor are there any such expectation that anyone make any such disclosure at or by any certain age.
If I were so bold to make such a recommendation, it would be for folks to consider their surroundings and degree of acceptance and readiness-factor of those who are in a place to provide support and protection, such as one’s own parents, family, peers, school administrators (if applicable) and larger community, as well as the state, providence / country where they reside, and the laws that either provide support and acceptance, or impose danger or worse.
It someone were to come out, finally, at the age of 85 years old, and had otherwise had lived in a best-possible scenario that otherwise lent itself to coming out, they have done nothing wrong except for cheated themselves of potentially a lifetime of happiness.
On the other hand, if someone were to come out as a tweener or young teen, tragically in an environment in which they lack self-sufficiency, and in at hostile environment in which their countries laws reflect prejudice, ignorance and hostility, then another human rights tragedy could be the extremely sad and horrifying result.
There is no one-size-fits-all.
The only time in which “right” and “wrong” have some applicability to coming-out involves these two scenarios:
A) If a welcoming-environment existed from time and throughout the duration in which a person made self-discoveries, in which the only thing truly stopping the person from coming out was their own self-acceptance, but that same person chose to instead, marry someone of the opposite sex, which was deception without the same degree of self-preservation pragmatism that was certainly more understandable decades ago.
B) If a person, due to their own personal problems associated with their own self-acceptance, decided to make a professional career that capitalized by vilifying other LGBT people, by serving as a public spokesperson or founder of an organization designed to push so-called “conversion therapy” propaganda.
Both of these two above examples are repugnant, especially the latter. If is one thing for a person to be neutral and stay in the closet for a lifetime as their own choosing, but it is another for anyone to impose anything on anyone else when none of that is anyone else’s business.
I have utter disdain for anyone who publicly “outs” anyone else (with some potential exceptions that are an ethical dilemma to grapple with), but nonetheless, if someone is not harming anyone else, they closeted or not, no one has the right to invade their private thoughts, feelings or personal space - regardless of if they are trying to “help” them by accepting them as LGBT, or to “help” them by trying to “convert” them to their religious ideology.
Everyone has the right to be left alone, especially if they are in the closet. It is everyone’s time and place to make these kinds of very personal and private decisions.
Neither sexual orientation, intimacy, spirituality, or the voting booth - none of these are “group projects”. No one has the right to go into my bedroom and impose their ideas, direction, inspections, observations or critique any part of my PRIVATE LIFE, or anyone else’s. There is a reason why voting booths have a curtain, and by law, everyone’s vote is private, and the same extends to how anyone prays, or does not pray.
I would encourage you to reconsider that you made any such “mistakes”. The world around you, up until recent decades, has owned arena as the sole guilty party of making mistakes, and there are dark chapters is world history which clearly show make mistakes that individuals, governments and societies have made in their mishandling of human rights issues, spanning not just LGBT people, but many other different demographics the world over.
Consider that everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, all have the same responsibilities regarding their own character, such as not being deceptive, such as making healthy life choices and being productive, contributing members of society, without excuses.
With rights, come responsibilities. Unfortunately, those who dole out the rights, often expect things to be the other way around: expect to overcome their own confirmation bias based on their own perception, that the entire collective of LGBT people has met saintly-standards in terms of responsibility, and then are some people willing to extend equal rights. Fortunately in many places, critical mass has duly extended close-to or equal rights. Regardless, being responsible in every aspect of anyone’s life serves everyone: from the individual, to others, to the larger society. No one wins by anyone being irresponsible about anything. No short-term gain is worth the risk.
Responsibility does not make that people cannot find love, happiness and make beautiful, special and private intimate moments that are associated with the above. But like with anything else, anything can be used in ways that are respectful, or less than.
I personally find both same-sex and opposite-sex marriages and relationships to be very respectful, when there is love and mutual respect within those situations. I find “recreational sex” as a form of amusement, to not be on-par and less-than-respectful, compared to monogamous choices. Of course, it would be a bit unrealistic to believe that even the most respectful people, didn’t date, and dating can involve learning about the other person before making a commitment, and this can generate the perception of sexual recreation. But there is a difference, which is that of intent.
If the intent is genuinely for monogamy, and dating, and therefore intimacy results, but a relationship does not bear fruit, then the motives were still in-earnest.
If the intent is to add more notches to one’s belt for bragging rights, through hook-up apps and with no intent of monogamy, then I personally find things like this to be disconcerting, as there remain health risks, safety risks and psychological risks. With great reluctance, I have accepted a few people socially who have these kinds of proclivities, and when they have shared their exploits with me expecting applause, I have expressed my own private disapproval in a tempered way that still is respectful, even in light of their own lack of self-respect.
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Protect yourself. Protect others.
You have done nothing wrong. Enjoy life and help other folks enjoy life too. Embrace respectability, privacy and dignity. You, like everyone else, bring to life and to other people, many talents and gifts. Make those gifts, through the larger context of your life, personally and professionally, as you are the bearer of those gifts, be the framework of your legacy.
There is no mistake , being gay is who you are, there is no reason to hide it. Too many people go to long in the closet and cant live a full happy life because of fear and hiding. Youve made it.
You didn’t make any mistakes here at all.
Being gay is not a choice. It’s not something that you willingly choose to be - it’s just how you are. Just like your skin, your hair, your eyes. Did you choose to have the hair color you have? No. Is that your mistake for your natural hair being, say, brown, when society would rather it be blonde? No. So it is not your mistake that you are gay. There was no mistake to be made there.
Coming out of the closet, on the other hand, is a choice. But that, I wouldn’t say, is a mistake. The mistake is that society naturally assumes people are straight and force
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Being gay isn't a mistake. It's a part of you and it's a part of you that you should be allowed to embrace and accept. But unfortunately, not all people are that accepting of LGBT folk, making us feel wrong for coming out. We shouldn't have to be afraid of being in love or other people knowing that we are in love, that's fucked up. Sometimes, coming out of the closet can actually be dangerous for some people. I really, really hope that coming out hasn't put you in harm's way. If it has, you need to get out of there as fast as you can. Stay with a friend or relative that accepts you if your par
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