Helpg Families Support Their Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Children
LGBT Adolescents: Becoming Visible In the past, very few adolescents “came out” to their families or told others they were gay. Most lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals (LGB) waited until they were adults to talk about their LGB identity with others. Fear of rejection and serious negative reactions kept many LGB adults from openly sharing their lives. Until the 1990s, there were limited resources for LGBT youth. Gay and transgender adolescents had few sources of information to learn about their identity or to find support. More recently, the Internet, school diversity clubs, and LGBT youth groups have helped gay and transgender youth find accurate information, guidance, and support. With greater access to resources, more LGBT youth are coming out (sharing their gay or transgender identity with friends, family, and other adults) during adolescence. So family members, teachers, and providers need accurate information about sexual orientation and gender identity to help provide support for LGBT adolescents. This practice brief was developed for families, caretakers, advocates, and providers to: • Provide basic information to help families support their lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) children; • Share some of the critical new research from the Family Acceptance ProjectTM (FAP) at San Francisco State University. This important new research shows that families have a major impact on their LGBT children’s health, mental health, and well-being; and • Give families and LGBT youth hope that ethnically, religiously, and socially diverse families, parents, and caregivers can become more supportive of their LGBT children. This practice brief reports on specific findings from FAP research. HELPING FAMILIES SUPPORT LGBT CHILDREN • FALL/WINTER 2009 Research on adolescents over the past 20 years shows that sexual orientation—a person’s emotional connection and attraction to another person— develops early. In fact, research shows that both gay and straight children have their first “crush “ or attraction to another person at around age 10. Homosexuality and bisexuality are part of normal sexual identity. No one knows why some people are gay or bisexual and others are heterosexual. But we know that no one, including parents, can “make” someone gay. Adolescents are much more likely to be open about their gay or transgender identity when they are not afraid of rejection, ridicule, or negative reactions from family and friends. Exposing the Myths There are still many myths about sexual orientation. Families and providers often believe that young people have to be adults before they can know they are gay. Many assume that being gay is a “phase” that youth will grow out of as they get older. Some think that teens may decide to be gay if they have a gay friend, read about homosexuality, or hear about gay people from others. These myths are very common and they are also incorrect. Today, adolescents have much wider access to accurate information about sexual orientation and increasing information about gender identity. Accurate information helps them understand feelings they have had since childhood. And a wide range of services for LGBT youth helps many find peer and community support. Adolescents in our research for the Family Acceptance ProjectTM (FAP) said they were attracted to another person of the same gender at about age 10. Some knew they were gay at age 7 or 9. Overall, they identified as lesbian, gay, or bisexual, on average, at age 13.4. Their families learned about their LGB identity about a year later. Research on supporting both children’s gender identity and transgender adolescents is very limited. Most providers have had little training or guidance on how to support children who feel like their inner sense of being male or female does not match their physical body. Children develop gender identity—a deep sense of being male or female—at early ages. They express clear gender choices for clothes, toys, and personal items. And they begin to express gender identity at about ages 2-3. Children and adolescents who do not look or behave the way that girls and boys are expected to behave by their families and by society are often ridiculed by others. Their behavior may also be called gender variant or gender non-conforming. Many parents are ashamed or embarrassed by their children’s gender non-conforming behavior. They often fear that these children will be hurt by others. And they need education and accurate information to support their child’s emerging gender identity. Adolescents who are gender non-conforming or who identify as transgender also have more access to information about gender expression and identity through LGBT community groups and online resources. Such groups and resources help them understand their gender identity at younger ages than older transgender adults who typically came out as
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